So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
