the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
