Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
