Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
