I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
