I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
