my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I just put wine in my tea
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
