she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
