I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
