there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
