Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize