one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
do nipples grow back?
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