There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They have beer where we have blood.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
