Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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