No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
