Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
