haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
