I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
