rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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