I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
