Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
