dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
