I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
