there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize