Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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