Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
