so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
