Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
