My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
