Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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