my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
