DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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