I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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