Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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