that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
we should paint friendship bongs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
