I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize