I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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