Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize