New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
