my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize