he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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