remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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