just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
