im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize