so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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