That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
