So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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