So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
