It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
