Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
