"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's the barista slut.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
