I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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