im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
