Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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