I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my poor anus
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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