i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
