The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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