i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We left the knife in your bed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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