I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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