Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
