At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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