I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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