guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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