around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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