too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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