Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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