Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize