so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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