You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
