I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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