Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
