3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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